What confuses early tennis with other sports that most find neither gay nor British are the similarities: they are played on grass, involve hitting a ball for points, and large competitions all over the world are held to find the best in each of the sports.  So why has tennis received such a bad wrap as a sissy sport?  There are a few reasons, let’s discuss.

Topping the list is the men’s attire.  Short shorts (typically white) and polo shirts for the men are enough to make you question someone’s sexuality.  More recently we’ve seen headbands that don’t exactly strike the fear of a skullcap worn by, say, Ray Lewis.  This brings us to another curious tennis practice: the grunt.  We’ve all heard it, that awkward “UH!” belted out by today’s biggest male stars.  I understand the need to make noise when engaging in a form of exertion, but, tennis?  Really?

When women get involved is when the situation gets complex.  Above all, there are some very attractive, heterosexual, female tennis stars.  Maria Sharapova, Martina Hingis, Simona Halep, Anna Kournikova, and Serena Williams are just a few of the names that come to mind.  In the same way the men are scantily clad, so are the women.  For the many creepster photographers of the world, a tennis match is a great place to catch a would-be underwear shot of a very attractive young athlete.  And, of course, the grunt.  It is, however, important to remember that the first openly gay international athlete was a female tennis player.

The game itself has a scoring system that makes little sense and the term for zero is “love.”  What kind of love are we talking about here?  Enough, let’s get to the verdict.

GAY
The questionable male attire and loud grunts are the fuel on this homoerotic fire.

BRITISH
Attractive, distinguished women, with accents, are not only British, but very heterosexual.

DEUCE!