David Bowie’s real name is distinctively British (David Robert Jones), he was born in Brixton, and has presumably given his gun-of-Brixton to numerous women including his supermodel wife, we’ve still got to ask, is David Bowie gay or British?

Bowie’s early career began with him recording singles under the name The Manish Boys, suspect to say the least.  In addition, upon hearing Little Richard’s “Tutti Frutti” Bowie remarked that he had “heard God.”  Really?  In Little Richard?

The glam-rock star is rumored to have met his first wife because they were “fucking the same bloke” at the time.  Additionally, that same wife wrote she once had a threesome with Mick and Bowie.  The Mick Bowie relationship is a whole other article all together.  In a 1976 interview with Playboy Bowie remarked, “It’s true—I am bisexual.”  Wow, it’s really piling up.  Then in a 1983 Rolling Stone interview Bowie said that his comments about his bisexuality was “the biggest mistake I ever made.”

The whole glam-rock thing is a bit suspect.  Make-up is for women and men who dress like women, presumably because they are gay, right?  But, being a rock star is awfully British.  The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, and Bowie were all sex symbols for a heterosexual world.  And Bowie, need I remind you, is married to a supermodel.

Let’s get to the verdict.

GAY
An admission of guilt, a publicized affair with a man, wearing make-up, all add up to a convincing verdict.

BRITISH
David Robert Jones is a rock star with piles of money, fame, and women.

BOTH
There may be overwhelming evidence for the gay title, but, we’re still scared to call it one or the other.

What confuses early tennis with other sports that most find neither gay nor British are the similarities: they are played on grass, involve hitting a ball for points, and large competitions all over the world are held to find the best in each of the sports.  So why has tennis received such a bad wrap as a sissy sport?  There are a few reasons, let’s discuss.

Topping the list is the men’s attire.  Short shorts (typically white) and polo shirts for the men are enough to make you question someone’s sexuality.  More recently we’ve seen headbands that don’t exactly strike the fear of a skullcap worn by, say, Ray Lewis.  This brings us to another curious tennis practice: the grunt.  We’ve all heard it, that awkward “UH!” belted out by today’s biggest male stars.  I understand the need to make noise when engaging in a form of exertion, but, tennis?  Really?

When women get involved is when the situation gets complex.  Above all, there are some very attractive, heterosexual, female tennis stars.  Maria Sharapova, Martina Hingis, Simona Halep, Anna Kournikova, and Serena Williams are just a few of the names that come to mind.  In the same way the men are scantily clad, so are the women.  For the many creepster photographers of the world, a tennis match is a great place to catch a would-be underwear shot of a very attractive young athlete.  And, of course, the grunt.  It is, however, important to remember that the first openly gay international athlete was a female tennis player.

The game itself has a scoring system that makes little sense and the term for zero is “love.”  What kind of love are we talking about here?  Enough, let’s get to the verdict.

GAY
The questionable male attire and loud grunts are the fuel on this homoerotic fire.

BRITISH
Attractive, distinguished women, with accents, are not only British, but very heterosexual.

DEUCE!

Drew Carey and soccer fans show their support for soccer, the Wizard of Oz, and the color teal with this Seattle Sounders supporter club soccer scarf

Now that fall is here in many American Urban cities white people will be wearing their scarves with t-shirts.  So when you spot a guy on the subway, or maybe in Brooklyn, wearing a large purple and sky blue scarf lovingly draped over his American Apparel t-shirt you may ask yourself: gay or British?  We all know that many Americans like the idea of soccer and scarves.  So, we thought we would analyze the soccer scarf in this edition of Gay or British.

Originating in Britain in the early 1900’s, brightly colored scarves have been traditional supporter wear for fans of soccer clubs across the world, even those in warmer climates were wearing the scarves while it was 92 degrees.  Insane.  These scarves come in a wide variety of sizes and are woven in a team’s particular colors and may contain the club crest, pictures of renowned players, and various slogans relating to the history of the club and its rivalries with other teams.  The most popular and traditional design is alternating bars of the teams colors (sound familiar?).  Keep in mind soccer teams don’t always have the best color combinations.  Many team supporter groups, because of this color clash, produce their own scarf designs. Most of these supporter scarves are designed by nerds, so they make use of the color black and usually include some sort of animal, mythical creature, or medieval weapon. It makes you think that before discovering the worlds “beautiful game” these guys were in their basements fighting over who would be the next Dungeon Master.

As part of pre-match build-up, or during matches, fans will create a “scarf wall” in which all the fans in a section of the stadium will stretch out their scarves above their heads with both hands, creating an impressive wall of color, usually accompanied by the singing of the club anthem. This was initially solely a British phenomenon, but has since spread to the rest of Europe, South America, and the major urban areas of the United States, most without a pro soccer team.

GAY

A colorful scarf is part of most gay men’s wardrobe and soccer scarves sure are colorful.

BRITISH

Britain, the birthplace of the soccer scarf and, well, soccer (football).

BOTH

Didn’t Elton John own a soccer team?