Do you know what the first sign is that former Guns ‘n’ Roses drummer Steven Adler’s new band is lame? It’s the name: Adler’s Appetite. If you have to directly reference your old band in the name of your new band, it’s probably time to try something new.

Jay Leno has been stealing for years. He has most often stolen ideas and bits directly and brazenly from both David Letterman and Howard Stern. Just days after Letterman had U2 on for an entire week; Jay Leno has announced he’s having Prince on for 4 straight days. This unfunny, kiss-ass has never had a musical act on for more than a night, and now all of a sudden he got the brilliant idea to do it for 4 nights? At least it underscores, once again, what an unoriginal, shameless, no talent, shyster Jay Leno really is.

The headline: “Ryan Adams weds Mandy Moore in Secret Ceremony.” If that’s the HEADLINE, must not be such a secret.

I knew there was SOMETHING I didn’t like about Jon Bon Jovi. The news that he scalps his own bands tickets, cements his status as the disingenuous, hack I’d already believed him to be.

Reality TV “star” Jane Goody has died. Come again. Who?

Jimmy Chamberlain has quit as drummer for the Smashing Pumpkins. Didn’t they break up 10 years ago?

Apparently Michael Jackson is trying to adopt a child in England. He already has 3 kids and two of them are named “Prince Michael.” Sorry, if you can’t come up with original names for each and every one of your kids, you can’t have anymore.

Glad to see Octo-Mom had time to go to an amusement park. When is this woman going to be locked up and/or medicated?

Shout out to the Fat British Family that wants more welfare money for food. If $30,000 dollars a year isn’t enough to feed four people, you should probably eat LESS. Shocking, isn’t it!?

Martha Stewart’s dog died in a freakish propane explosion at a Pennsylvania kennel. That might be sad for her, but it’s NOT NEWS! Who do I call to get this sort of nonsense removed from my television?

4 years after the attack that ended their careers, Siegfried and Roy performed again with the tiger that mauled Roy. Why? Personally, if I had been the victim of this attack, Montecore, as the tiger is called, would have been put down immediately. Can anyone say, slow cooked Tiger sandwiches?

And speaking of stupid Pet Tricks (Shout out to Dave Letterman), what the hell is wrong with the woman in Connecticut who kept a 150 pound chimp as a pet? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with her, she’s an IDIOT. This sad excuse for a human being, should be charged as if it were her who ripped her friends eyes and face off.

Someone please dig up Andy Warhol, so that he can tell Britney Spears she’s used up way more than her allotted 15 minutes.

U2 was on Letterman for 5 straight nights. I watched, because I always watch Dave. Yes, U2 still sucks. The shot with them pretending to shovel snow was my favorite. In a righteous world, these hacks would be doing manual labor, not acting like the second coming.

Chris Brown is seeking counseling to become a “better person” in light of the beat down he gave Rihanna. It’s a shame there isn’t a 12 step program for SUCKING.

General Motors has stopped supporting Documentary filmmaker Ken Burns after more than 2 decades, citing the financial crisis. Because, you know, it was the all the Ken Burns documentaries that brought GM down, not making poor cars, giving executives huge, undeserved bonuses, or ridiculous perks, right. Genius move guys.

Coolio was arrested in Los Angeles International Airport for Drug possession. Like the rest of you, I’m also wondering why he didn’t use the money for food.

-Gabe Sasso
Freelance Writer
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